i've been feeling restless again. and compulsive. going backwards a bit in some ways, but not too much. i've lost the initial high i recently had for a little while, but still, and even before that, i have been doing pretty well. i just need direction. i just keep going in circles. and i'm so boy crazy, it's totally ridiculous. it's really the last thing that should be on my mind, but i've never been able to control myself in that respect. it's so consuming. it always has been. it takes up so much of my thought and energy.
i feel really bad for my brother, he's heartbroken right now. i know how shitty he feels, and there's not a lot you can do but wait it out, wait for it to go away. it sucks. we both fall hard, and if our hearts get broken, they're pretty damn broken. it made me think of how often i've been heartbroken, or pining for someone, and how incredibly happy i am not to be in that position. the summer and fall were emotional, and i'm relieved to just be having fun. i told mike just to do his best to keep his mind occupied, and to wait it out. i wish i could have cheered him up, but there's no immediate comfort in that situation. not unless your love comes back to you. there's not much anyone can say to help. you just have to go on with your life, and get over it at whatever pace you can.