the inch worm

It's almost kind of funny, yet incredibly frustrating and somewhat pathetic. It seems like with everything in my life I'm so close to having it really good, but it's always at an arms length. It's like it's so close, and yet so far. I feel like with minimal changes and work (and perhaps some bravery), I should be able to get there, but I'm never really sure what to do, and don't seem to get anywhere at all. I can see it, I can taste it sometimes, but that almost makes it worse because I'm beginning to doubt I'll ever get there. I'll forever be stuck on the brink. Never quite getting to be who or what I want.
I'm still in a rut, and I get extremely discouraged sometimes, sometimes at really dark moments I almost want to give up. But I'm still reasonably young, healthy and intelligent. To give up on myself would be a horrible, horrible waste. When I'm at my best, I really am a sight. I'm full of energy and passion and creativity and love. I'm gonna have hard times like this for the rest of my days. I haven't been this depressed for a very long time, but I always bounce back. I'm fighting. I still do have a lot, and I don't want to lose it. But I need a lot more. I can see it in the distance.