naivety- so easy to recognize in others, yet so hard to recognize it yourself. how unfortunate.

that not so fresh feeling

I need something fresh and new in my life! I'm feeling pretty uninspired by things at the moment. I need sparks. Something I can't get enough of. Something exciting. Cause it's all seeming rather mundane at the moment. What a dull way to live. I don't like it.

and then there are those like me.. lovely and intelligent creatures, but entirely maladaptive.

alas, here come the hypochondriacs...

oh my, it's amazing what we can forget. it's comforting in a way, to think how incredibly much we can move on from. we have to. what other choice do we have? we can't control much of our environment when it comes down to it, so we adapt. that's what we do. humans, and really all the things living on this earth. us humans though, we know it's fleeting, we know it wont last. we know we can't change that much. we just want to be happy.
it's funny how real physical adaptation, evolution, occurs so slowly, over years and years and years.. but us creatures are also capable of, and actually very talented at, singular, more simple and direct adaptation. People learn quickly, we respond so well to repetition and routines, new circumstances and stimuli. We learn to think out complicated situations, cope with even unthinkably awful emotional and physical hardships..we learn basically to survive and get the most out of anything that's thrown at us. and i think that is so beautiful and amazing because we so rarely give up. we are hopeful and optimistic by nature. we keep trying. we don't give up. we keep going until our bodies give out. we are so much stronger than we realize.

it's still very early days, but the further things go, the more my worries and doubts are subsiding. i think this could actually be a really good idea. i may just have something really good on my hands.

my job..

is all request for quotations, ice cream sandwiches, little dogs, cute british guys, art, and old men with bare feet. i love it.

..or am i?

oh my god, i am just begging for trouble. why can't i stay away from it?
right now all is well and good, but i'm already (SO soon) thinking about him more than i should be and it's a slippery slope. obviously i don't thrive on dissapointment, so i don't know what my deal is.
the last thing i need right now is a very sweet asshole to make me sad.
i can fuck whoever i want, i wouldn't be bothering with these situations if that was all i hoped to gain.
oh, i don't know. he asked if he could meet my parents. that's pretty cool. and a little ballsy, considering he doesn't know how incredibly sweet and laid back my family is. or maybe he does cause they made me.

2 for 1 martinis

i'm doing really well at not getting my hopes up this time, though i kind of want to just let go. they are somewhat up, but i think only a reasonable amount for the situation.
this is better than sweden. a much nicer fit. i feel far more comfortable and like my(silly)self with him.